TAKE MY HAND – PART 3

Posted on June 14, 2026 by Judy

I was driving home from the movies with my buddy, David. “Would you like to hear my latest meditation song?” I asked him. He replied that he would and it began quietly playing.

David and I were both in the high school choir decades ago. And similarly, we also lived in the homes where we grew up. We reconnected when a group of other choir members drove out to visit our beloved former teacher. He was truly a remarkable singer and people stopped in their tracks whenever they heard him sing.

“Judy, it reminds me of the Titanic song!” he gleefully announced.

And then he began singing along with my ethereal mediation instrumental. His booming voice echoed through my car. “Near, Far, Whereeeeeee everrrrrr you are. . .my heart will go on and onnnnnnnn!”

For over ten minutes he went on and on, singing that melody along with my track. I was laughing so hard I almost had to stop driving!

I made it through!!

Time seems to be moving at warp speed. Days turn into weeks, and then suddenly it’s another new season. I’m very conscious that this is the “sunset season” of my life. I don’t really want to view an imminent ending, but I have constant awareness that aging is an unrelenting process. And that is very euphemistic when my body doesn’t act the way it used to.

Every day, I am uplifted by my achievement of changing old eating habits. I have lost over 50 pounds in the last year and a half. Since January, I’ve been doing it on my own without any GLP1 medication. What seemed like a roadblock (when my insurance no longer covered it), turned into a blessing. I now know that I am capable of continuing this weight loss journey (as well as maintenance), without relying on it.

Two years ago my knees were hurting so much that I was looking at knee replacement. For months, I needed a cane and even a wheelchair to get through the airport when I traveled.

Losing weight slowly over 18 months made a huge difference. At the one-year mark, I no longer experienced knee pain. However, I was very tired whenever I took a walk and the idea of ever playing tennis again seemed unreachable.

I had lost a lot of muscle mass from sitting most of the time. But what I could do was swim, and I was at the YMCA almost every day doing laps. It was so helpful for my mental well being and I considered it my meditation.

Because my friends took my hand and kept encouraging me, I started playing tennis again. Sometimes, I pinched myself when I was able to run and reach a difficult shot. Every time I played, I felt more confident about my athletic abilities!

On Mother’s Day, I performed my usual weekly live stream. It was such a thrill to see Christopher Plowman was there, and he commented that night. Christopher is the CEO of Insight Timer – so this was a big honor. He even left me a donation!

I actually met Christopher back in 2017 when he was visiting LA.

Working on my music does involve sitting. That’s why I’m glad I have other activities to bring balance to my life.

I’ve wondered what my next focus would be, since I finished recording guitar and vocals for all my songs two months ago.

Well, something appeared to me! I have decided to venture back into creating meditation songs. In the past, my meditation songs were done in a studio with another musician. I made suggestions, but did not actively create the tracks. This time, I am creating meditation songs in a new way.

My current arranger, Devin, is such an accomplished musician. I’ve been working with him for seven years now. It turns out that when I composed my song “Take My Hand,” I already had the idea that it would make a lovely meditation song. So three years ago, I asked Devin to fool around and record a long piano version for me.

I went back to that old recording and spent a week streamlining it. After that, I worked again on it with Devin and instructed him to add some new passages and a few other tracks.

Deciding upon sound choices is so much like transparent watercolor painting. I layer many tracks and sounds to get the results I am looking for. The process is almost spiritual at times.

Take My Hand Meditation Song Audio Excerpt

And just last week, I decided to purchase a new instrument package. This will give me abundant sound choices for my meditation creations!! It was challenging to find a version that could work with my older computer, but I kept at it.

Screenshot

My friend Leann (and all my friends), know how I love butterflies. I was very touched that she mailed me this sweet card for no reason.

Several years ago, we even went to a live butterfly exhibit together. I met Leann on Facebook and we both enjoy taking nature photos. We’ve done several photo outings and she took wonderful golden hour pictures of me earlier this year.

We made a plan to go up to our local mountains and take pictures.

It would get me outside and moving. But it would also give me an opportunity to photograph images of my hand that I could use as a cover for my newest meditation song.

I had so many memories of younger days hiking in that area. I wasn’t the agile girl I used to be, but I accepted it. The breeze and sunshine warmed my soul and the smell of pine was intoxicating.

And this outing yielded many images of my outstretched hand to choose from.

Leann and I even took photos with our hands clasping. (She’s shy about having her picture taken). Unfortunately, I didn’t find any of the results to be appealing for my song’s cover.

It’s interesting that I don’t associate myself with being an illustrator these days – I am much more focused upon my musical creations. I even declined to do a pet portrait for a dear friend, when I realized my heart wasn’t in that painting space.

AI has certainly influenced almost everyone I know – myself included. I’ve benefited greatly from Chat GPT’s advice and could list dozens of ways it has helped me. I hadn’t used it to create images, though. I was fascinated that anyone could simply “order” an illustration. There was no need for professional illustrators anymore.

At the same time, I’ve felt a backlash toward my photorealistic work. Many people assume that my paintings were done with AI, even though I began illustrating in 1981.

Circling back to the beginning of this post, I have to mention what a difference it has made to have dear friends’ support as I’ve traveled this weight loss journey. I am especially appreciative of my eldest son.

He really inspired me when he completely changed his eating habits. And he did it with the help of Chat GPT.

Every day, we compare notes about our numbers – calories, pounds and eating challenges. Six months ago, he weighed exactly ten pounds more than me. And now he weighs less. His current total weight loss exceeds 70 pounds. We both celebrate seeing our goal in sight with only 15 more pounds to go.

There’s no getting away from AI it seems. I sent him the picture above and he sent me back an image that made me laugh out loud!

Screenshot

And therefore, I will end this post with the conclusion that I did find a song cover for my new “Take My Hand Meditation Song.”

I uploaded my arm and had AI create a sweeping background that I’m happy with. And it does have a real element with the photo of my actually arm. (Thankfully, without age spots or flab). Even the lighting works!

Recordings, performances, lyrics and story links: TAKE MY HAND

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ALONE

Posted on April 20, 2026 by Judy

More about my song “Alone.”

Last month, I finished recording my last acoustic song. For the past three years, I have been creating acoustic and instrumental arrangements for each of my 52 songs.

I wrote most of my songs when I was young. My newer songs (from the age of 50 on) became a script for me to change my life.

My only acoustic song composition since 2020 is named “Take My Hand.” That song really helped me navigate through health issues and times of discouragement.

Songwriting is a craft that takes work and dedication. I’ve sometimes wondered why I haven’t composed anything new in a while. My best guess is that I haven’t felt the need or inspiration to compose; especially with all the time-consuming recording and editing that has kept me busy.

Music has been my passion for the last 15 years. And I can admit that sometimes it has been exhausting. But I love my freedom and devotion to doing what I love.

On most weekend mornings, I was up early to record guitar parts for one of my songs. There was less traffic noise, but occasionally birds chirping outside my window were worse. Sometimes, I would simply march outside in my robe to throw lemons in the direction of the birds. It worked, even though it was embarrassing.

When I finished recording, my fingers were tender and sore – despite my tough calluses.

I titled this post “Alone” because it was the last song I recorded on my long list. It was composed after a break-up when I was 17 years old.

“Alone” had three simple stanzas. The haunting chords channeled grief, instead of romantic longing. I thought perhaps it was a prophecy, because I had not yet experienced grief at that age.

Recently when I recorded the vocal for it, I did change two words. The line of “what is left since you died” felt too harsh. I changed it to “what is left since you’ve gone.”

My current life is a comfortable place, unlike the chaotic turmoil I endured raising my children, navigating my parents’ decline, and ending my long marriage.

How do I feel now about being alone? That is an interesting question because I am seldom physically alone.

I live with my son and his girlfriend in a small apartment. It is no secret to them that I crave time alone in order to freely sing and record. Whenever they have plans, they both remind me that I will have some quiet recording time to look forward to..

Lyrics from my song “The Unknown.”

I learned from my former married life how lonely it was to be with someone I didn’t connect with. I felt completely isolated with my feelings, but it all changed when I began to express myself through writing.

In my current single life, I have many treasured connections with friends. They are a blessing to me. I regularly receive loving feedback and comments from people all over the world.

I used to perform at an open mic, but now I perform from my own bedroom. Even though I can play as often as I want, I’ve chosen to play once a week – on Sundays at 6 pm.

It might sound strange to talk and play to a computer screen; there’s no applause or a host introducing me. But after four years and hundreds of performances I’ve adjusted.

When I finish my hour of singing, I feel peaceful and filled with amazement that I pulled it off. That’s because I have a lot of chords and words to remember each week.

The effort I put into recording has been a constant in my life now for the last decade.

Sometimes it’s tedious and tiring. And yet, there are those magical moments when the beauty of what I’ve created leaves me tearful and overwhelmed by emotion.

I would like to share more about my process with blue audio links that play what I am describing.

Alone Guitar Mix 2026

My first step was to create a guitar arrangement for each song. I recorded five separate parts: low guitar, high guitar, strums, harmonics, and nylon guitar.

Harmonics were a wonderful way to create a different sound on the guitar – they sounded like bells.

When I began recording all my songs three years ago, I didn’t have a grasp of the harmonic notes. I only occasionally added them to the intro or solo area. But as time went by, I put them almost everywhere in my songs. They were very subtle, but added a wonderful effect.

These are harmonic notes for my song “Farewell.”

During the time I was recording guitar parts, I sang vocals along with the low guitar. I recorded at least a dozen vocal takes and worked with those to find the best parts.

There’s something about the vocal and guitar that is very different from the vocal and arrangement. Both of them are special to me and I release them separately.

Alone Vocal & Guitars 2026

Alone Vocal & Arrangement 2026

Once I completed the guitar arrangement, I set up a session with my arranger, Devin Farney. His talent was extraordinary. Piano was his “forte,” but he was also quite knowledgeable about creating the other instrumental parts.

In only an hour, he played about 12 different tracks. They were in the digital format of midi, which allowed me to edit them and choose what sound I wanted for that track.

Devin came up with magnificent piano parts for this song. Below is a guitar and piano version where I creatively combined three different tracks of piano. For the arrangement, I used an electric piano sound that worked well with a less involved piano part.

Alone Piano Guitar

Alone Arrangement 2026

I didn’t expect much from my 50-year-old song composition “Alone.” It had no chorus or hook; it was sad. However, I wanted to honor this poetic ballad with a recording, as I did with all my other songs.

Those chords I composed as a teenager really grabbed my heart. They hauntingly captured a cold and lonely moment so long ago.

A few weeks have gone by without any music recording.

With my newfound free time, I’m writing again. I realize that I haven’t written or shared much on my blogs for a while.

I’ve been working on releasing lots of new tracks on the app Insight Timer, as well as other platforms.

I find myself longing for something to record again – something new would be magical. I even signed myself up a week long songwriters’ retreat in June. That will certainly be an adventure for me!

Could I discover some new music?

A few chords have already begun to form . . .

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MY PET PROJECTS

Posted on April 9, 2026 by Judy

Decades ago, I illustrated pet food. All these years later, I find it fascinating how I’ve shifted from illustrating kibbles to creating pet portraits. Another notable difference is that I wasn’t paid for any of them. Every pet portrait was given as a gift to a friend.

This post is copied from my illustration blog, but because it shares feelings from my heart – I’m including it on this blog, too!

“Chuckie” 16×20, Mixed Media, 2009

In 2009, I composed my very first dog portrait of “Chuckie.” It was the very beginning of my learning how to use a computer to construct an illustration from multiple photos. This was very helpful during my career as an illustrator.

Chuckie wasn’t that cooperative as a subject and I didn’t have a perfect photo to work from. I was fortunate that I was able to shoot my own reference. I took photos of the flower background and Chuckie’s owner holding him.

“Millie” 16×20, Mixed Media, 2017

Eight years later, I painted “Millie” for the same friend. I strove to have this painting complement my first one with similar flowers in the background.

“Rodger” 8×10, mixed media, 2019

I hadn’t illustrated any cats until this same friend contacted me. It was also the first time I had done one for a deceased pet. She and her son were heartbroken over their poor kitty’s demise. “Rodger” was caught and killed by a coyote when he slipped out a cracked window that a painter had neglected to close.

I enjoyed the challenge of improving the background. I took pictures of another window in my friend’s home that was far more interesting. I had no difficulty adding more visible fruit in the bowl. Most of all, I was glad to know my portrait offered comfort.

“Honey” 8×10, mixed media, 2021

When a mutual friend of ours lost her beloved dog “Honey,” I offered to create a portrait for her. Her grief was deep and it took her a long time before she took me up on my offer. She sent me a few photos and there was one that seemed to work best.

“Honey” was irreplaceable and my friend treasured the gift I made to memorialize her.

“Mr. Tiggs” 8×10, Mixed Media, 2025

By 2025, I grew tired of painting fruits and vegetables. During the Pandemic and for two years after that, I had painted close to 100 paintings.

One day on Facebook, I saw that a friend’s beloved cat had died. She shared many beautiful photos of “Mr. Tiggs.” When I saw one that had unique lighting, I decided to make her a surprise portrait.

“Autumn” 8×10, Mixed Media, 2025

“Autumn” was created as a gift for a dear friend in honor of her milestone birthday. I was wracking my brain trying to think of a special present and then the idea came to me. This portrait would be a wonderful gift! Autumn was adorable and cherished.

I didn’t plan for this to be a surprise. The first step was asking my friend to send me photos, but after going through them I wasn’t inspired. I knew it could make a huge difference if I took my own photos.

Autumn wasn’t a very cooperative subject, and I took a lot of photos. Most of them were not usable, but then there was one that stood out. It was amazing how great it was – she was almost smiling!

This “in progress” photo shows the texture build up of colored pencils.

All of the portraits that I’ve shared are memorial ones now, except for Autumn. She is a treasured senior dog and I’m so glad I was able to capture her spunky personality.

“Lucy” 8 1/2×11, Mixed Media, 2025

When a good friend told me her daughter was devastated by the loss of her beloved dog, once again I hoped that a portrait could bring comfort. Lucy had tragically drowned.

I focus a great deal of my energy on the subject of grief and healing – and in this instance, it intersected with my art.

Lucy’s owner sent me many photos to look at, but I couldn’t decide which image to illustrate. But then it occurred to me that I could use more than one photo. I devoted a lot of time planning my layout and ended up using three images. This was definitely a creative change and the background was very important for pulling everything together. I experimented with a lot of ideas.

One of my other comp ideas.

After digitally experimenting with many options, I chose a warm canvas texture for the background.

Creating my signature is always stressful for me. My first attempt was too bold, so I washed and erased it off. I moved it over to the left side.

“Ginger” 8×10, Mixed Media, 2025

My most recent pet portrait is the one I shared at the beginning of this post. A friend was heartbroken after losing her beloved “Ginger.” I offered to create this special gift and only had one or two photos to work with.

It seemed best to keep the background texture light and simple. It worked well and I enjoyed bringing Ginger to life. Giving this gift to my friend also brought me a lot of joy.

My illustration career was all about pleasing my clients. I really didn’t have time to create something I loved artistically, because deadlines were a critical part of every job. I learned to work quickly and cut corners.

With the advent of stock imagery and Photoshop, the demand for my custom illustrations gradually ended. I really didn’t miss the stress of illustrating and became busy with other creative pursuits. Music became my primary passion.

However, during the pandemic I rediscovered painting for pleasure. For three years (2020-2023) I immersed myself into painting my favorite subjects. I was drawn to beautiful fruits, vegetables, and flowers. I appreciated the challenge of painting pet portraits, because they were unique and different subject matter. I fulfilled my artistic desires, while at the same time creating something that was treasured.

I knew that these paintings had a life of their own. They weren’t mine to keep and it became a full circle. I was able to bestow a gift of healing, while enjoying the process.

I’ve been told there is money to be made doing pet portraits. However, I have no interest in going that route. The portraits I created served a purpose for me. I enjoyed the challenges involved with bringing these animals to life. There was no deadline and I had complete creative control.

I have many other creative pursuits in my life besides illustrating. I am so blessed that I have allowed myself to enjoy all of them, without pressure. It has truly been the greatest gift I’ve given myself.

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MY LOVE JUST DIDN’T DIE

Posted on October 6, 2025 by Judy

A month ago, I recorded one of my favorite songs “Angel in the Sky.” My 5-year-old son, Jason, died in 1992 and today was the anniversary of his death. I decided to honor him by sharing my song on social media. It was overwhelming to receive so many caring and sympathetic comments. I appreciated the kindness and replied to every single person.

But something didn’t feel right. I hadn’t wanted to be pitied. People were genuinely sorry for my pain and wanted to console me. The problem was that I was not suffering.

The grief that burdened me for so long had lifted years ago. In fact, the message I most often want to convey is that healing from horrific grief is possible. I never believed it when I was suffering, but it happened.

When I shared my song, I was joyful at the beauty of my creation. I also wanted to express deep love for my son.

The fact that I mentioned tears while recording “Angel in the Sky,” certainly implied grief. So my audience had every reason to imagine I was still sad.

I mentioned those tears because I treasured them.

It was amazing to see this in an alleyway. Plus, it was the perfect message for me!

When I began this blog in 2010, I considered it the beginning of my healing.

I was giddy and joyful, as I opened up my heart that had been closed for decades. Initially, I did not address my grief. But six months later, I was finally able to write the hardest story, when I described how it felt to lose my 5-year-old son, Jason.

Not long after writing that story, I fully embraced playing my guitar again.

My life encompasses my passion, and I have been recording all 52 of my songs. I have done this before. I began to sing and play guitar again after a long break of 30 years. In the beginning, I hired other musicians and worked in their studios

You can hear many other versions of “Angel in the Sky” with the medley below:

Nine years ago, I began recording my songs at home. For two years, I recorded my songs freestyle with a digital recorder, and then spent two more years recording two tracks of high and low guitar to go with my vocals.

But three years ago, I started recording all my songs again in a new way. Each song took me almost a month. I had four different guitar parts now, and taught myself how to play lead melodies on my old nylon guitar. It was a fantastic process, and with each song I discovered more and more magical moments.

Once the guitar arrangement was finished, I worked remotely with a talented pianist. He would record a dozen instrument tracks for me to edit. I loved the process of creating a fuller arrangement for each song.

After hours of guitar recording, I have grooves in my fingers that almost seem permanent!

I am finally coming to the end of my long list. I’m not sure exactly what my next project will be when I am finished. I do plan to go back to some of the earlier recordings and add some new guitar elements (such as faster strumming) that worked really well on more recent songs.

Last month, it came time to record one of my favorite songs “Angel in the Sky.” I took extra special care with the guitar parts. I composed new chords for the introduction. I even recorded additional nylon guitar, because my first attempts weren’t touching enough for me. In between recording and editing guitar, I sang many vocal takes.

One afternoon, I set up my mic and began singing vocals. I concentrated on my lyrics and allowed my heart to open up.

With my eyes closed, I pictured long ago memories of Jason. Suddenly, the line I was singing completely fell apart. My voice disappeared and tears slid down my cheeks.

I stopped and allowed the emotion to settle. I continued on to finish that vocal take. And then, I began another one.

But at exactly the same spot, it happened again. My voice cracked on the word “die.” The entire line went “my love just didn’t die.”

It had been so many years since I had cried about Jason! This was so unexpected!

I still swim in the same pool where Jason once swam.

Grief had been my companion for so long and those tears were familiar. I was sad for the young woman I once was, who lost her innocence and was tormented for at least 18 years.

I realized that my tears erupted because I was speaking to Jason. It was a very emphatic line that carried indescribable feelings.

Just because he had died – my love hadn’t died!

My insight was that my tears were not about sadness – they were about love. When I finished singing my vocal, I was peaceful once again and grateful for the beautiful music I was creating.

“Gone for years and I still cry,” were such honest lyrics. There I was crying after 33 years. And as the years march on, I may still occasionally cry remembering Jason.

But every day, I am thankful I have healed from my grief.

I will continue to share my heart and my music. And Jason will always be my “lovely light, just not in sight.”

Posted in Grief Stories | Tagged , , , , , , , | 13 Comments