GETTING WILD IN IDYLLWILD

For me, songwriting has always been a very solitary pursuit. My last song composition was named “Take My Hand.” It was the only new song I’d written in the last ten years. But I have now learned that collaborating with other passionate songwriters can yield wonderful results.

For years, I saw Facebook posts about a songwriting retreat held in Idyllwild, which was a beautiful mountain location not far away from where I lived.

I backpacked in Idyllwild when I was 23!

I surprised myself when I decided to attend this songwriting retreat. But signing up was no small feat. (And like a songwriter, the rhymes keep coming).

Even though I had seen notices about it for many years, I couldn’t find a way to easily sign up. I finally contacted the organizer, Brett on Messenger. After he responded, I went ahead and sent him payment through PayPal.

But as the retreat grew closer, I was concerned that I hadn’t gotten any more information about it. I sent a few messages over to Brett on Messenger without any reply. And then his account was gone.

I began to wonder if the person I initially connected with was a scammer. Friends told me to try and get a refund.

Before giving up, I did a deeper dive and found an email address for Brett on one of his pages. I emailed him a message and he responded immediately.

His message said that he was locked out of his Facebook account and hadn’t been able to recover it. But he also apologized for neglecting to send me an email with details about the retreat.

I felt silly asking about the accommodations. He said they were not included and luckily there was still one room on site that was available. With relief, I was now all set. I was really going to do this!

My cottage for a week

I was excited to drive the 2 ½ hours to get to the San Jacinto Mountains where Idyllwild was located. My plan was to stop ahead of the mountain road to get some food items. I was told there was a community kitchen I could use. I was going to be prepared.

The retreat began on Monday morning and but I arrived on Sunday afternoon so I could catch a summer solstice ceremony. It seems that Spirit Mountain Retreats, where I would be staying, was beloved by the community.

The ceremony was lovely and parachute canopy covered the area where songwriters would meet every morning for a week.

I felt at home here and my cottage was perfect for me. Here’s a video tour:

On our first morning, Brett took a picture of everyone. (Somehow, I ended up in the front).

Brett had us go around and introduce ourselves. We could each play one song. Unfortunately, I was recovering from a terrible cold. I croaked out “Alabaster Seashell” and decided I would not be singing anymore for the rest of the week. It turned out that it was fine – there’s more to songwriting than just singing.

I had to capture the Holly Blueberries just outside my cottage.

The emphasis for this retreat was collaboration – something I had never done. At the beginning of each day, we had a lovely circle time chat. Then Brett paired everyone up and gave us a unique prompt. After that, we were on our own.

At the evening circle we all shared what we had come up with – whether it was finished or not. Talk about pressure!

My first partner was Sherie. Our prompt was to write a stream of consciousness with detailed observations of our surroundings. But first, we were hungry. There was a nearby bagel shop and we sat in the shade eating our lunch and preparing ourselves to write away. Oh boy, did I enjoy my lox and bagel lunch!

Sherie and I found a common theme to our story – this song was about an imaginary woman who was celebrating her freedom because she was willing to listen to her heart.

In the afternoon, I pulled out my guitar and played four chords I had composed a month earlier. They would become the beginning for this new song. We tentatively named our song “She’s listening.”

At our evening circle, we performed it. We still had another verse to write, but the chorus felt strong and we received helpful feedback from Brett.

This is the area outside my cottage where we collaborated.

On my second day, I was paired with Dave. We knew each other from the open mic place where I used to play. Dave was eighty and a fun guy to be paired with. It was interesting hearing about his life – he said that he began songwriting when he was 65!

Our prompt was to start with a melody and I had some trouble with that. I rely on my chords to tell me where to go.

Although I can write chords on the fly, guitar voicings are very important to my songs. I realized that a great source for guitar ideas could come from my assortment of guitar meditations. I already had several songs based on one of my guitar instrumentals.

Dave and I spent a lot of time constructing a beautiful verse and chorus that were extracted from the beginning of my instrumental “Guitar Tides.” His idea was to call it “Spirit Mountain Meditation.” This song would be reminiscent of another outdoor song of mine named “Peaceful and Inspired.”

I wasn’t sure where our song would go and we ran out of time. The music was there and I knew eventually this song would come together. At the evening circle, we hummed along to my guitar arrangement. Dave shared his ideas for the lyrics, but for fun he also wrote some funny lines about me.

Dave’s funny lyrics

On my third day, I was paired with Kathleen. She was the youngest participant and on that day, it was her 30th birthday. That made it a special day, indeed.

Kathleen had an amazing voice and I looked forward to working with her. We sat in a shady pine area and I played snippets of guitar instrumental ideas. She gently articulated the feelings each one evoked, and “Healing Song” was the one that spoke to her best.

It didn’t take long for the melody to come to her – I was happy to skip singing and let her lead the way. Together we scrawled out words about praying for survival. It was definitely a dark song and Kathleen had meaningful lyric ideas.

Our evening performance went off really well, and the song was tentatively named “How Can I Be Strong?” There’s a lot I could say about the lyrics, but I will save that for another time.

Every year, the Idyllwild Songwriting Festival follows the songwriting retreat. An hour before the festival began, retreat participants were encouraged to play some of their songs. Kathleen and I performed our song.

Thursday was my fourth day, and I did not participate. Brett mentioned that many people find songwriting so exhausting that taking a break was a good idea. Time could be spent enjoying nature, recharging or even working on unfinished songs.

I decided to go on a solo hike – this was my idea of “getting wild.” I looked up an easy trail and brought plenty of water with me. In the retreat parking lot, I ran into one of my new songwriting friends and she lent me a walking stick. That turned out to be a great help.

Sharing my hiking picture when I was 23 brought back many memories. The woods in Idyllwild were magical back then and still are. After about thirty minutes of driving around searching for the trailhead, I began my adventure.

Things were easy at the beginning. I stopped whenever I felt like it and timed my hike for about two hours. While resting, I took pictures of whatever caught my eye.

I imagined the story for a leaning tree, which was a beautiful metaphor for me. It was bent from circumstance. But by chance – another tree grew underneath to support it.

And then there was the lazy lizard, languishing on a sunny rock. He reminded me of the lizard I had caught when I was ten years old. I kept Lizzy for two years and it was quite a project catching flies to keep him fed.

This is not Lizzy, but another captured lizard from when I was about eight years old.

Coming back from my hike turned out to be a lot harder than I expected. I was coughing and short of breath due to the altitude. I also hadn’t realized that coming back would be mostly uphill. This trek back was going to take a while, because I had to stop every five minutes.

When I finally reached the parking lot, I was absolutely exhausted and relieved. Yikes! But what an outing this had been. I had done it!

I shared my thrill and pictures with a few friends. One of my friends expressed her concern about me.

Friday was my last day, and I didn’t have any expectations. Having three new songs felt amazing and that was already enough for me.

But it turned out that the song was born on this day was my favorite!

I was paired with Mark. He was married to Sherie, whom I had worked with on my first day. It was very sweet to hear that they had met decades earlier at a songwriting camp in Cambria. After he shared details about what a fantastic place it was, I planned to sign up for it.

I copied this paragraph as a prompt. Being authentic is so important to me!

That morning, our prompt was to find a book, open it to any page and put a finger there. After looking at the paragraph we landed on, we were told to write whatever came to mind. Then the collaborating and pulling words together would begin.

In the main retreat house there was a bookshelf with many great choices. I found a small philosophical book. Mark and I sat in the morning shade outside my cottage and scribbled for about twenty minutes.

For a long time, I had thought about writing a song to express my feelings about aging. There was a lot brewing inside me.

Ironically, Mark felt the same way. We took turns reading our scribbles aloud and they were eerily similar. It was bizarre, but it sure made collaborating a lot easier since we were literally on the same page!

Mark mentioned that his pension would be starting soon and I told him that I had just applied to start collecting social security next month. It turned out that our birthdays were only six weeks apart!

I found our lyric work to be collaboration at its best. After we put together a few nice paragraphs, I played a few guitar voicings for him and he chose a lovely melodic area from my instrumental “Guitar Tides.” It was a great choice and worked really well for our lyrics.

The tentative title for our song was “Inside I’m Still a Child.”

We both took a break and walked to the songwriters’ favorite lunch spot – I looked forward to ordering my lox and bagel again.

I went to get a cup of water and as I walked back to our table, my sandal caught the edge of a brick and I tripped. I stumbled and caught myself quickly – but I had already spilled water all over Mark.

Suddenly, the elation I felt about my solo hike dissolved a little. Everything around me held risks and I just had to accept it.

At the evening circle, Mark did all the singing and played along on his mandolin. It was a lovely combination. This song was close to being finished and I loved it!

The chorus lyrics carry the words “running wild,” which explains my blog title of “Running Wild in Idyllwild.” Lately, I’ve become aware that rhyming crops up everywhere!

I am relishing that I followed my own advice. Years ago, I remember writing this sentence on my blog: “My life became exciting, when I chose things that brought me excitement.”

I couldn’t believe I had four new song compositions. It turned out that collaborating was really helpful. Putting two heads together was actually making something happen that would otherwise have never seen the light of day.

I’m so glad I was willing to try this experience. It really opened up many new paths for me!

Mary was the owner of Spirit Mountain Retreats. I had been scheduled to lead my very first grief and healing retreat there in 2019. Unfortunately, I broke my ankle while hiking a few months before and had to cancel. And then not long after that, the Pandemic hit.

I never rescheduled and let it go.

Before I drove home, I said farewell to Mary. We hugged and she told me she would love to have me come back to lead a healing retreat there soon.

So in September, I will be going back to Spirit Mountain to lead my first retreat, which I had to cancel seven years ago!

A group portrait taken on the last day

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IN EVERY SMILE – PART 3

My most recent musical pursuit has been creating meditation songs. I’ve been working on one for “In Every Smile” and can share an excerpt. My heart really soars with this one!

In Every Smile Meditation Excerpt

There’s no sugarcoating that travel seems daunting as I’ve gotten older. After breaking my ankle in 2019, I find myself a bit anxious about injuring myself again. Unfortunately, I have occasional stumbles and that doesn’t help my confidence.

It was knee pain that finally pushed me to seriously lose weight. I am now in a place of amazement that I’ve done it. I am closing in on a goal weight and feeling healthier than I have in years.

A little over a year ago, I traveled to Minnesota in early spring to see my daughter. Her excitement about that season was infectious and she couldn’t wait to show me gorgeous bluebells on one of our hikes. Because she had witnessed me breaking my ankle while hiking with her, I could tell she was watching my every step.

I can really see my weight loss, with this photo from last year.

My recent visit was on the cusp of summer. It was particularly sweet, even though the bluebells were gone. I appreciated the lush green surroundings in every direction. Where I live in Los Angeles, there just aren’t sweeping vistas and incredible skies.

I was glad that my flight had gone smoothly. On the first night of my visit, I went with my daughter to the restaurant where she works.

We enjoyed our dinner and I decided I was up to performing at her restaurant’s open mic. It was no coincidence that one of the 2 songs I played was “In Every Smile!”

 

My daughter was excited to take me kayaking, but we started out with another adventure on our first full day. I was curious and asked her if we could check out Mystery Cave State Park, which wasn’t too far away.

Once again, I was grateful that my knees were in good shape now, so I could climb all the stairways and ramps leading into the cave areas.

On my third day, we went on our kayak adventure in the late afternoon. It was my first time. I was amazed that it didn’t get dark until after 9 pm, so we still had plenty of daylight. After parking, we carefully brought each kayak down to the water’s edge and then she instructed me to get in and push off.

Once I was in the water, I was thrilled that paddling wasn’t too hard to figure out. It was serene and peaceful – the water was like green glass and there were so many beautiful details to observe. She even pointed out an eagle’s nest in a nearby tree.

We were out on the water for over an hour and then we headed back. My daughter complimented me on my stamina. The fact that she was so proud of me gave me goose bumps. I still had the strength to do something new and for a moment I almost forgot my age!

That was until we came back to the dock. I admit that I was pretty tired by then and looking forward to getting out of a cramped position. She got out of her kayak first.

Now it was my turn to get out, but I had no idea how I was going to do that. At home, I was able to get up off the floor by turning onto my knees and pushing myself up. This was fairly new since losing over 50 pounds. But with my knees straight out in front of me, turning over onto my knees wasn’t possible.

She looked worried and we both brainstormed. I felt helpless and embarrassed. Gone was my pride in this achievement. I kept shifting around and it was clear she wasn’t able to lift me out of that kayak.

Finally, I used arm strength to lift my tush up onto the side of the kayak. I groaned and precariously sat there until I could stand. I was incredibly relieved. Later on, my daughter had a long talk with me about how I needed to work on strength training to prevent this from happening again.

Life has a way of always teaching us things, and it happened for her a moment after that. While pushing the kayaks into the van, one of them bumped the windshield and cracked it. My daughter was devastated and inconsolable with worry.

We drove back in silence and she called it a day after that. She told me that she wouldn’t be good company and berated herself for not being more careful.

After doing research the next day, we found out that in Minnesota many insurance companies cover 100% of windshield replacement. My daughter checked and she had that coverage. It was a celebratory moment when the mobile repair was completed.

I was glad that this episode could be put behind her. I certainly wasn’t going to let it derail the magic of our time together.

The remainder of our visit flew by too quickly. We had wonderful shopping outings and restaurant meals. I was glad I could be active and also eat in a healthy way. On my last day, she dropped me off at a car rental location.

I had debated about adding a side trip, but decided to push through my apprehension and be brave. I wanted to visit an online friend that was enthused to meet me in Iowa. We would both drive about 3 hours to meet each other in Des Moines.

I picked up my vehicle and headed off. It was perfect for me to listen to my new meditation songs while driving. The ethereal notes uplifted me as I drove past endless farm landscapes. The countryside reminded me of agricultural backgrounds I had illustrated decades ago.

My friend, Erica, was a talented watercolorist that I had met in a Facebook Watercolor group. I mentored her and we had Zoom sessions where I shared Photoshop tips. I was honored to give her feedback on layouts, but I also valued her opinion for my artistic projects. When we first connected, Erica told me that she ordered my book “Beside Me Always” and reading it touched her deeply.

Erica sells a lot of her work on Etsy (clicking on this is a link)

I was always fascinated to learn about her life in Iowa. I loved hearing about her children, husband and even her chickens. Many times I called Erica a “pioneer woman,” because she did many home repairs, sewed clothing, was an amazing cook, and built her own chicken coop. And when a dog seriously injured one of her chickens, she was able to sew up the wound, too!

I brought mazes with me for Erica’s two children. Their names were the outline for the maze and I was excited to give it to them. Later on, they watched me draw a maze while we were waiting for dinner.

I was fine driving to an unknown city and finding the hotel where Erica and her family would be joining me the next morning.

I met Erica at the car rental drop off and hopped into her family van. She had lots of snacks ready and had even baked muffins to bring along from a healthy recipe that I’d shared with her. Our destination was Ledges State Park and I enjoyed the family banter in the car on the way there.

It was an hour away and I was enthused to get some exercise. I had bug spray, sunscreen and plenty of water in my backpack – I was ready! We arrived and I hopped out of the van.

The forest area was lush and a tiny trail led from the parking lot to the riverbank. But it wasn’t long before I realized that this might have been more than I could handle.

As I traversed the vines and lush foliage, her husband announced that there was poison ivy on either side of that trail. I looked at my bare legs and shivered for a moment – by now it was too late and there was nothing I could do but keep going.

I reached a steep muddy incline of about six feet. Erica’s two children had already scrambled down and were splashing in the water. Her husband was at the bottom and offered me a hand from below, but I was too far away to reach it.

Erica was behind me and I took her hand and tentatively stepped down on the muddy slope. And then my feet went out from under me. With a thump, I landed on my butt and slid all the way down.

Both of them looked worried, but I was fine. I was muddy, but I had done it. The adrenaline from that slide would definitely last me years!

From that point forward, I navigated the rocks and water with my wet tennis shoes. I had broken my ankle in 2019 while crossing a stream, and the paramedics had to carry me out in a wheelbarrow. I made a note not to tell my daughter about my butt slide, as she was with me when I had my ankle injury. It was very traumatic for us both.

Looking for critters in the river was exciting!

The hike wasn’t the only activity that day. Afterwards, I was able to experience hiking to an enormous trestle bridge with incredible views. It was a three mile walk and truly tested my endurance, especially with the humidity. It was no surprise that I lost 4 pounds on this trip. I was thankful that I did not get poison ivy and relieved that I safely made it through these adventures!

On our second day in Des Moines, it was raining. Going hiking the day before worked out well and our plan for this day was an indoor activity. We headed to the Des Moines science museum.

Being with Erica’s family was familiar, but also quite different from my current life. Time had taken me far way from those moments with tired and moaning children. Erica and her husband were wonderful parents – filled with love and patience.

At the museum, I wandered through the exhibits taking in her childrens’ excitement and curiosity. It wouldn’t have been that interesting without the accompaniment of enthused children.

However, at one point – Erica went looking for her daughter. She was anxious and I certainly understood. I told her I would wait at the same exhibit area, in case her daughter returned.

I sat down at a nearby table and suddenly noticed a blue butterfly illustration that was part of the exhibit. As I looked closer, it was unmistakably my own painting. I couldn’t believe it!

My artwork is sold on Getty and iStock – so that was how the museum had acquired it. But this was completely unexpected, for sure!

Erica came back with her daughter to where I was and I excitedly pointed out the butterfly. Her husband was impressed and looked it up on the Internet. An upload of the picture definitely showed me as the illustrator.

I marveled how if I hadn’t stopped and sat down at that table, I never would have seen my butterfly illustration.

And since Erica was a fellow artist, this was such a beautiful thing to share. Erica also had a painting of a blue Morpho. We both appreciated the nuances of their glowing aqua wings.

Our time ended with a Scrabble game back at the hotel before I headed to the airport. Her husband took our picture and I was so glad I had made the time to add on this side trip. The memories were unforgettable!

“In Every Smile” is a song that embraces smiles, laughter and love. It is how I want to be thought of – not simply after I’m gone, but in the present.

The memories from this trip were golden. My daughter and I are already planning for when I come back. I did promise her that I would practice getting better at exiting a kayak next time!

For lyrics, stories, links and other recordings: IN EVERY SMILE

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TAKE MY HAND – PART 3

I was driving home from the movies with my buddy, David. “Would you like to hear my latest meditation song?” I asked him. He replied that he would and it began quietly playing.

David and I were both in the high school choir decades ago. And similarly, we also lived in the homes where we grew up. We reconnected when a group of other choir members drove out to visit our beloved former teacher. He was truly a remarkable singer and people stopped in their tracks whenever they heard him sing.

“Judy, it reminds me of the Titanic song!” he gleefully announced.

And then he began singing along with my ethereal mediation instrumental. His booming voice echoed through my car. “Near, Far, Whereeeeeee everrrrrr you are. . .my heart will go on and onnnnnnnn!”

For over ten minutes he went on and on, singing that melody along with my track. I was laughing so hard I almost had to stop driving!

I made it through!!

Time seems to be moving at warp speed. Days turn into weeks, and then suddenly it’s another new season. I’m very conscious that this is the “sunset season” of my life. I don’t really want to view an imminent ending, but I have constant awareness that aging is an unrelenting process. And that is very euphemistic when my body doesn’t act the way it used to.

Every day, I am uplifted by my achievement of changing old eating habits. I have lost over 50 pounds in the last year and a half. Since January, I’ve been doing it on my own without any GLP1 medication. What seemed like a roadblock (when my insurance no longer covered it), turned into a blessing. I now know that I am capable of continuing this weight loss journey (as well as maintenance), without relying on it.

Two years ago my knees were hurting so much that I was looking at knee replacement. For months, I needed a cane and even a wheelchair to get through the airport when I traveled.

Losing weight slowly over 18 months made a huge difference. At the one-year mark, I no longer experienced knee pain. However, I was very tired whenever I took a walk and the idea of ever playing tennis again seemed unreachable.

I had lost a lot of muscle mass from sitting most of the time. But what I could do was swim, and I was at the YMCA almost every day doing laps. It was so helpful for my mental well being and I considered it my meditation.

Because my friends took my hand and kept encouraging me, I started playing tennis again. Sometimes, I pinched myself when I was able to run and reach a difficult shot. Every time I played, I felt more confident about my athletic abilities!

On Mother’s Day, I performed my usual weekly live stream. It was such a thrill to see Christopher Plowman was there, and he commented that night. Christopher is the CEO of Insight Timer – so this was a big honor. He even left me a donation!

I actually met Christopher back in 2017 when he was visiting LA.

Working on my music does involve sitting. That’s why I’m glad I have other activities to bring balance to my life.

I’ve wondered what my next focus would be, since I finished recording guitar and vocals for all my songs two months ago.

Well, something appeared to me! I have decided to venture back into creating meditation songs. In the past, my meditation songs were done in a studio with another musician. I made suggestions, but did not actively create the tracks. This time, I am creating meditation songs in a new way.

My current arranger, Devin, is such an accomplished musician. I’ve been working with him for seven years now. It turns out that when I composed my song “Take My Hand,” I already had the idea that it would make a lovely meditation song. So three years ago, I asked Devin to fool around and record a long piano version for me.

I went back to that old recording and spent a week streamlining it. After that, I worked again on it with Devin and instructed him to add some new passages and a few other tracks.

Deciding upon sound choices is so much like transparent watercolor painting. I layer many tracks and sounds to get the results I am looking for. The process is almost spiritual at times.

Take My Hand Meditation Song Audio Excerpt

And just last week, I decided to purchase a new instrument package. This will give me abundant sound choices for my meditation creations!! It was challenging to find a version that could work with my older computer, but I kept at it.

Screenshot

My friend Leann (and all my friends), know how I love butterflies. I was very touched that she mailed me this sweet card for no reason.

Several years ago, we even went to a live butterfly exhibit together. I met Leann on Facebook and we both enjoy taking nature photos. We’ve done several photo outings and she took wonderful golden hour pictures of me earlier this year.

We made a plan to go up to our local mountains and take pictures.

It would get me outside and moving. But it would also give me an opportunity to photograph images of my hand that I could use as a cover for my newest meditation song.

I had so many memories of younger days hiking in that area. I wasn’t the agile girl I used to be, but I accepted it. The breeze and sunshine warmed my soul and the smell of pine was intoxicating.

And this outing yielded many images of my outstretched hand to choose from.

Leann and I even took photos with our hands clasping. (She’s shy about having her picture taken). Unfortunately, I didn’t find any of the results to be appealing for my song’s cover.

It’s interesting that I don’t associate myself with being an illustrator these days – I am much more focused upon my musical creations. I even declined to do a pet portrait for a dear friend, when I realized my heart wasn’t in that painting space.

AI has certainly influenced almost everyone I know – myself included. I’ve benefited greatly from Chat GPT’s advice and could list dozens of ways it has helped me. I hadn’t used it to create images, though. I was fascinated that anyone could simply “order” an illustration. There was no need for professional illustrators anymore.

At the same time, I’ve felt a backlash toward my photorealistic work. Many people assume that my paintings were done with AI, even though I began illustrating in 1981.

Circling back to the beginning of this post, I have to mention what a difference it has made to have dear friends’ support as I’ve traveled this weight loss journey. I am especially appreciative of my eldest son.

He really inspired me when he completely changed his eating habits. And he did it with the help of Chat GPT.

Every day, we compare notes about our numbers – calories, pounds and eating challenges. Six months ago, he weighed exactly ten pounds more than me. And now he weighs less. His current total weight loss exceeds 70 pounds. We both celebrate seeing our goal in sight with only 15 more pounds to go.

There’s no getting away from AI it seems. I sent him the picture above and he sent me back an image that made me laugh out loud!

Screenshot

And therefore, I will end this post with the conclusion that I did find a song cover for my new “Take My Hand Meditation Song.”

I uploaded my arm and had AI create a sweeping background that I’m happy with. And it does have a real element with the photo of my actually arm. (Thankfully, without age spots or flab). Even the lighting works!

Recordings, performances, lyrics and story links: TAKE MY HAND

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ALONE

More about my song “Alone.”

Last month, I finished recording my last acoustic song. For the past three years, I have been creating acoustic and instrumental arrangements for each of my 52 songs.

I wrote most of my songs when I was young. My newer songs (from the age of 50 on) became a script for me to change my life.

My only acoustic song composition since 2020 is named “Take My Hand.” That song really helped me navigate through health issues and times of discouragement.

Songwriting is a craft that takes work and dedication. I’ve sometimes wondered why I haven’t composed anything new in a while. My best guess is that I haven’t felt the need or inspiration to compose; especially with all the time-consuming recording and editing that has kept me busy.

Music has been my passion for the last 15 years. And I can admit that sometimes it has been exhausting. But I love my freedom and devotion to doing what I love.

On most weekend mornings, I was up early to record guitar parts for one of my songs. There was less traffic noise, but occasionally birds chirping outside my window were worse. Sometimes, I would simply march outside in my robe to throw lemons in the direction of the birds. It worked, even though it was embarrassing.

When I finished recording, my fingers were tender and sore – despite my tough calluses.

I titled this post “Alone” because it was the last song I recorded on my long list. It was composed after a break-up when I was 17 years old.

“Alone” had three simple stanzas. The haunting chords channeled grief, instead of romantic longing. I thought perhaps it was a prophecy, because I had not yet experienced grief at that age.

Recently when I recorded the vocal for it, I did change two words. The line of “what is left since you died” felt too harsh. I changed it to “what is left since you’ve gone.”

My current life is a comfortable place, unlike the chaotic turmoil I endured raising my children, navigating my parents’ decline, and ending my long marriage.

How do I feel now about being alone? That is an interesting question because I am seldom physically alone.

I live with my son and his girlfriend in a small apartment. It is no secret to them that I crave time alone in order to freely sing and record. Whenever they have plans, they both remind me that I will have some quiet recording time to look forward to..

Lyrics from my song “The Unknown.”

I learned from my former married life how lonely it was to be with someone I didn’t connect with. I felt completely isolated with my feelings, but it all changed when I began to express myself through writing.

In my current single life, I have many treasured connections with friends. They are a blessing to me. I regularly receive loving feedback and comments from people all over the world.

I used to perform at an open mic, but now I perform from my own bedroom. Even though I can play as often as I want, I’ve chosen to play once a week – on Sundays at 6 pm.

It might sound strange to talk and play to a computer screen; there’s no applause or a host introducing me. But after four years and hundreds of performances I’ve adjusted.

When I finish my hour of singing, I feel peaceful and filled with amazement that I pulled it off. That’s because I have a lot of chords and words to remember each week.

The effort I put into recording has been a constant in my life now for the last decade.

Sometimes it’s tedious and tiring. And yet, there are those magical moments when the beauty of what I’ve created leaves me tearful and overwhelmed by emotion.

I would like to share more about my process with blue audio links that play what I am describing.

Alone Guitar Mix 2026

My first step was to create a guitar arrangement for each song. I recorded five separate parts: low guitar, high guitar, strums, harmonics, and nylon guitar.

Harmonics were a wonderful way to create a different sound on the guitar – they sounded like bells.

When I began recording all my songs three years ago, I didn’t have a grasp of the harmonic notes. I only occasionally added them to the intro or solo area. But as time went by, I put them almost everywhere in my songs. They were very subtle, but added a wonderful effect.

These are harmonic notes for my song “Farewell.”

During the time I was recording guitar parts, I sang vocals along with the low guitar. I recorded at least a dozen vocal takes and worked with those to find the best parts.

There’s something about the vocal and guitar that is very different from the vocal and arrangement. Both of them are special to me and I release them separately.

Alone Vocal & Guitars 2026

Alone Vocal & Arrangement 2026

Once I completed the guitar arrangement, I set up a session with my arranger, Devin Farney. His talent was extraordinary. Piano was his “forte,” but he was also quite knowledgeable about creating the other instrumental parts.

In only an hour, he played about 12 different tracks. They were in the digital format of midi, which allowed me to edit them and choose what sound I wanted for that track.

Devin came up with magnificent piano parts for this song. Below is a guitar and piano version where I creatively combined three different tracks of piano. For the arrangement, I used an electric piano sound that worked well with a less involved piano part.

Alone Piano Guitar

Alone Arrangement 2026

I didn’t expect much from my 50-year-old song composition “Alone.” It had no chorus or hook; it was sad. However, I wanted to honor this poetic ballad with a recording, as I did with all my other songs.

Those chords I composed as a teenager really grabbed my heart. They hauntingly captured a cold and lonely moment so long ago.

A few weeks have gone by without any music recording.

With my newfound free time, I’m writing again. I realize that I haven’t written or shared much on my blogs for a while.

I’ve been working on releasing lots of new tracks on the app Insight Timer, as well as other platforms.

I find myself longing for something to record again – something new would be magical. I even signed myself up a week long songwriters’ retreat in June. That will certainly be an adventure for me!

Could I discover some new music?

A few chords have already begun to form . . .

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